Traditional Marriage isn't

I could refer to a number of books that show that 'traditional' marriage changes through the years, but here's a quick post that does the same.

Change is possible and necessary - for everyone

I pray regularly that my heart, mind and soul be changed to what God would have me be, yet I must admit a sliver of self-satisfaction when another person comes around to the point of view I hold and agrees that it is what God would have us do. So when Box Turtle Bulletin pointed me to an article at Pam's House Blend where Joe Murray formerly of the American Family Association changed his mind about homosexuality... suffice it to say I was probably a little too pleased. But the interview is good. And it shows one of the reasons I keep talking to people with whom I disagree. Possibly they're right and I need to change or maybe I'm right and they need to change or both of us may be wrong and need to change - yet I need to constantly examine and re-examine my beliefs so that I may come more into what God would have me be.

Marriage is a good`

There are books without end on whether marriage is limited to different gendered couples or not. Historically it is clear that there are a wide variety of marriage patterns from serial monogamy to polygamy (Israel from Scripture) as well as variations on gender (Will Roscoe has several booksthat have more than two genders for marital partners. But there's now a paper on the internet by the Institute for Progressive Christianity. Thanks to Straight not Narrow for pointing me to this document

ABC's and McCain

Thoughts from Kansas has a good post on the McCain debacle while being asked about the transmission of AIDS and condoms. Simply put the promotion of ABC's

Abstinence,
Be faithful to your partner, and
Condoms

is the most effective way of preventing the spread of any and all STD's.

Rev. Mohler

I haven't had words to speak about Rev. Mohler's assertion that we should use in vitro treatments to correct the sin of homosexuality, but the Rev. Wilson of the Metropolitan Community Church does. The full text is at Christian Voice for Lesbian, Gay, Transgender, and Bisexual Rights along with several articles. Straight, not Narrow pointed me to the letter. Sexual orientation is not a medical problem and should not be treated as such. My sexual orientation is a gift from God that has blessed my life in countless ways once I accepted it. To take away that gift before it has a chance to blossom is an affront on the nature of abortion or the death penalty.

Matt Sanchez

Joe My God alerted me to another outing. A presumably straight man protests all the liberal hypocrisy and then we find out that he's been in gay porn. here's the thing I don't get. If you've had sex with another man, please don't claim to be straight. You may be bi; you may be gay; but you're just not straight. I don't care if you never have sex with another man. Once you've been sexually active with men for more than a few ocassions just don't claim to be totally straight.

Leonard Matlovich

They gave me a medal for killing two men, and a discharge for loving one.

From the tombstone of Leonard Matlovich in the Congressional Cemetery, Washington, DC

Sexual Conversion Therapy

Sexual Conversion Therapy edited by Shidlo, Schroeder and Drescher is a collection of articles on Reparative and similar therapies. It gives a scientific perspective on both the religious and psychological programs. One of the major problems with all reparative therapies is the lack of clinical studies. While there are many anecdotal accounts of cures and clear evidence that for some those attempts to change were harmful, there are no clear evidences of change that happens as part of clinical or religious therapies. There is evidence that some people change in sexual orientation through their life-time, but this is not the same thing is clear evidence that any of these programs can bring about such change.

This book is not for the faint of heart, but it is worthy of careful reading and thought.

P.S.
A final note from one of the articles...

"I don't for a moment doubt that Irving Bieber regarded me with affection and
wanted only the best for me. Unfortunately, and tragically, that does not
alter the dominant reality that his intended good did me in fact literally
irreparable harm"

The road to hell is paved with good intentions. And I don't doubt for a moment the sincerity of many in the change movements, but it's not just whether someone wants to change their sexual orientation that is important. More important is will they be harmed by the attempt to change especially when the success rate - even with the most positive of reports - is so low and with that possibility of harm should something with a low success rate be attempted?

Marriages

Reality isn't moral or immoral and teaching about real issues isn't saying they're moral or immoral. But one family seems to think so. They filed suit saying something along the lines of because the school is teaching that families have different makeups e.g. some may have two parents of the same gender, then the school is teaching morality. This is the same as filing suit because the school mentions there are some polygamous marriages and while the vast majority of those are one man with several women there are societies where several men have married one woman. Reality just is. Certainly children need to be taught religious values and morality. But teaching what is in fact happening just doesn't rise to the level of taking that teaching of religion and morals out of the individual and their family

They really do want the best.

Box Turtle Bulletin has a series about a visit to one of the change ministries. It's illuminating and fascinating. And recalls that most of the people working with and in those ministries really do want the best. But the problem is they base their change on what they want to have happen. They base their conclusions on the way they want the world to be. And, in the end, they will have to accept homosexuality as the cross-cultural and cross-species natural phenomenon that it is or they will end up so entranced by their own lie that they will be unable to find the truth anyplace that it is.

When I read the article I went back to the day I found out that my visit to the psychologist hadn't been about testing my intelligence, but because my parents thought I might be gay. I was about five at the time of the visit and found out the real reason about thirty years later. I don't have a problem with the visit nor do I remember my parents lying to me about it. And I do know that they wanted the best. Yet the results of that visit sent me into many years of dating women and looking for the right woman and I wonder, I wonder, if I'd found my sexuality accepted would I be with a partner right now. Would I be with someone to love and cherish and have the laugh my parents had together? I have no regrets about being gay, but I do regret that it took so long for me to recognize it and I regret the missed opportunities.

And I give thanks that our culture is more open today and that gays are growing up in a world where they can see that they're not alone.

I, too, can change says the heterosexual

The San Francisco Gate has an editorial on Haggard's change. From straight liberal to closeted bigot - what a change. Once you read the editorial you'll understand.

First do no harm

One of those kind people who mean well sent me a brochure about changing my sexual orientation. And while the brochure was all very medical and religious it seemed to me to have forgotten a basic tenet of medicine - First, do no harm. And while I'm sure they meant well, I have no doubts as to their sincerity it seems that when all the major medical and psychological bodies have statements about the risk of harm when trying to change sexual orientation and doubts as to whether it is possible to do so without harm and there is no independent study of success rates (though there is the Spitzer one that he has clearly said was misused that indicates some change is possible for highly committed and highly religious people - all of whom are making a living by being ex-gay), it just seems reidiculous to promote the idea that people can change their sexual orientation.

Certainly there are times when one might undergo a risky medical procedure. My dad's last heart operation was quite risky, but.... there were mitigating factors. All the risks were explained up front (didn't happen in this brochure). The quality of life was certain to be improved by the operation (without the operation he would remain in the hospital until death vs. with the operation he could return home). But while the brochure spoke of the evil in 'the' gay lifestyle, the lifestyle portrayed was not remotely similar to mine. And the peace it said would happen is something that I already have. The relationship with God that was promised is something I already live. And so I wonder what did the people who so kindly want me to change have to offer. It seems that I already have what they are promising, so why should I change? Why would I want to spend the money, the time, the effort to get what is already present in my life, just to make a change that they say is needed to get those things.

First do no harm, but also make sure that there will be some benefit.

Rebukes and condemnations

Yes, some athelete said he hated gays. Yawn. If he uses physical violence I'd be more offended, but is this a surprise? And he's rebuked by the

How can we help those around us learn respect - I know a very old-fashioned attitude - for each other? That's a more important question than focusing on who said what to whom.

Parenting - it's not about gender

Pam's House Blend alerted me to another study, in the continuing trend of actual academic studies, that points out gay, lesbian couples make perfectly good parents. Wait for the load of something or other trying to explain away this study.

Gay Straight Alliance - one more

Congratulations - this time a Gay Straight Alliance seems to have been established without any of the brouhaha and false allegations that can happen. Gay-Straight Alliances aren't about hooking up or having sex, but providing a safe place to talk about sexual orientation.

Both ways?

Citizen Crain has a point. Mary Cheney wants to have it both ways. Write a book about her life, but don't let people ask about anything not in the book. Support your father's political ambitions, but not answer questions about how it affects your own life. But real life isn't like that. If you talk and write about your personal life, your personal life is fair game for journalists. If you support your father's viewpoints by campaigning for him, then your life and contradictions are up for review. You can't have it both ways - that's why Mary Cheney, as admirable as she is in many ways, is a hypocrite.

Biological Exuberance by Bruce Bagemihl

Biological Exuberance is not a book I just pick up and read straight through. It is too dense for something like that. And it is a collection of evidence rather than a novel. However it clearly shows that homosexuality or same sex sexual activities is not just a cross-cultural happening but crosses species. Saying homosexuality can be cured is going against the evidence. Homosexuality is clearly a part of the natural world.

Gay animals

One of the less than accurate misrepresentations about homosexuality is that it is against nature. Since many animals have been observed in same-sex sexual activity - armers and ranchers have known for years to put the bull in with the cows when then start mounting each other - it seems a bit ridiculous to call so prevalent an activity as unnatural. Well, for those who want to know more, here's a web site about gay animals.

Memories

What we remember happening and what actually happened aren't always the same. I remembered as a child about five years old going to a psychologist for intelligence testing. My twin brother rememberedI went, but he didn't. I think both of us assumed that it was because the results would be the same.

Intelligence testing wasn't what happened.

My mother thought that I might be turning into a homosexual. So they took me to see what could be done. And with all the best intentions in the world helped to send me into denial about my sexual orientation. They used a book (Growing up Straight by Peter and Barbara Wyden) that had all the latest research and did all the right things - as in making sure I had plenty of time with my father, discouraging effeminate mannerisms and activities and more.

I found this out after I finally figured out why I wasn't meeting the right woman and that no woman would ever be the right woman. And some of my memories took on new focus. I hadn't realized that it was after 'the visit' that my mother stopped me playing with costume jewelry. But that wasn't the only memory that fell into place.

That one happened after a conversation with my dad. But more memories of desires I'd ignored and feelings that I hadn't dealt with came to the forefront after I admitted to myself that I was attracted to men as partners (not just sexually) in my life. My life just made a lot more sense after I figured out my sexual orientation and became gay.

Not everyone has an eye-opening moment of waking up and realizing they've been in denial about their sexual orientation. I suspect there's less and less of those sudden awakenings to who we are as in this culture been able to become more understanding of human sexuality (and sexuality throughout the animal realm) but putting the pieces together after I finally stopped cramming them into the wrong shape was one of the best times of my life. I don't recommend the pain of denial, but laughter and joy came to me when feelings and events just popped into focus after those years of denial. And that joy is something I still treasure.

Homosexuality in animals

From Omni Brain, here's an article about a museum that mentions animals are gay. Well -maybe not gay, since that is more a political/socio-cultural identification, but certainly there are same-sex sexual activities that aren't dominance related among animals.