And what is love?

And some of the question may be answered in the expressions of love we see.

A man sitting by his grandmother and letting her know what was going on since he had one of the easiest voices for her to hear. That's an expression of love.

An aunt telling her nephews to ask this and that question of the doctor everything they called to report news about their dying father. That's an expression of love.

A clerk letting someone stay in the lobby for a few minutes to warm up. That's an expression of love.

But then there are people who think that they have to hug you to show their 'love' without realizing that some people don't like hugs.

But then there are people who think that they have to comment on someone's accent to help them improve without realizing that a different accent doesn't mean that one is better than another.

But then there are people.

And some of the moves are good and some are bad. Do we see the good in people or do we look for the bad? We don't have to be a Pollyanna always seeing the good, but a little bit of looking for the the and/or the bad, whichever we don't usually see, isn't all bad.

Love

For me the love I feel for each person is different. But there are similarities. My father was, in many ways, a great flirt. He enjoyed the company of women and made them feel beuatiful and appreciated. But the great love of his life was my mother. I, too, enjoy the company of women. But the love I saw between my parents is the reason I didn't marry a woman, though I came close to marrying a couple of women. I just didn't have the same class of love fore any of those women that I came close to marrying that I saw between my parents. Realizing that I would only feel/find/experience the same sort of care and partnership that my parents had with each when I started looking for the right man was one of the greatest gifts of God in my life.

And love is one of the things I think everyone should experience. Whether it is the love of parent and child, the love of two partners in a lifetime relationship, the love of siblings for each other, the love of human for God that love enriches life. Then again love as in the greek language (eros, philia, adelphia, and I'm blankning on the fourth) aren't as easily separated as C.S. Lewis made them out to be in his book "Four Loves", the elements cross over and there are clear useages that show that cross-over in classical and koine greek. Yet there are and should be boundaries in the expression of those loves. My dad appreciated (and flirted with) women, not by groping them or giving unwelcome hugs, but by enjoying their conversation and personality as well as their looks. The sexual desire may have been present in the admiration but that didn't mean that he intended to act on that desire.

I think one of the great misfortunes brought about by homophobia is the fear that brotherly love will turn into something different. Or that showing love and affection to another man will be onstrued as sexual interest. That has deprived men of the nurturing relationships that they need with both men and women. That has confined men and women to roles that aren't God-given, but a cultural imposition.

And homophobiais one of the reasons we don't separate love and sex the way that we can. One can love and be sexually attracted without acting on that sexual attraction. There's a difference between enjoying the beauty and thinking one has to take action. For heterosexual misogynists the sexual attraction they feel for women is devoid of love or understanding, but for heterosexual men like my father the sexual attraction they feel for women translates into actions that support them and help them become more fully who they are.

To talk of love without mentioning sexuality is as flawed as talking about sexuality without mentioning love. But sexuality is more than inserting one body part into another. And love is an experience that should not be missed. There are people for whom the experience of sex can be somewhat divorced from love. (Dan Savage has a good take on someone who wants sex with and without love and without telling) But that's beside the point. Sexuality in its richest form is part of a loving relationship with a lifetime commitment and so both should be in the same conversation.

Symbols and chapels

A friend recently wrote about a conflict in his community. The hospital has had a chapel with several Christian symbols for years, but someone from a Missouri Synod Lutheran congregation has started lobbying for all symbols to be removed. That started me thinking about one of the classic Lutheran and Reformed divisions. That is our position on adiaphora. Are things not forbidden permitted. Or are only things permitted to be done. In the chapel case it seems that the Lutheran and Presbyterian have switched positions.

But it is more than that. How do we interpret scripture. The traditional formulation of literal doesn't always apply. Is the crucifix a graven image and the cross not so? And what about using only those musical instruments mentioned in the Bible vs using only voice to praise vs any instrument? And was the waltz lascivious because bodies were pressed against each other any more scandalous than some of the dance moves of today (I can't remember what they're called).

Certainly some changes should be opposed. I think the leeway we in the USA are starting to give on torture is abominable. But I just can't get too worked up about symbols. The actions behind those symbols yes.

I'm thinking also of the debate over putting a wigwam symbol on a soldiers grave that was happening a few months/years ago. Yes for many that particular symbol is one of devil worship, but the wicking I have met don't believe they are worshiping the devil or a devil or the demonic. I tend to think the demonstration of that symbol happened as a result of Christians persecuting those of another religion rather than actual devil worship - though some of the latter people persecuted may have taken that symbol as devil worship as a result of the prior persecution - and just can't get all that worked up about it.

Yet symbols are important. For many people the visual representations help them begin to pray or approach God. For me, as someone who learns primarily through hearing and movement, visual symbols just can't be as important. I get more irritated over poor and insipid music than any piece that is primarily visual.

What gets me going is a lack of tolerance for little things like symbols and a tolerance for actions that harm another. Torture - that is what we should be spending our energy opposing. This or that symbol or none at all is adiaphora, even what music or dance is less important.

Torture, degradation, calling someone names, bullying - those are the things that are important to oppose. Giving the thirsty a cup of water, finding a room for the homeless, visiting those in prison, comforting the sick, supporting those in need, caring for the widow, orphan and stranger - that's what is important to support.

Where do we spend our time?

Values

I'm one who thanks God daily and who also tries to live out their faith in every action. I profess Jesus as my Lord and Savior. But I'm always a little suspicious of those co-religionists who profess Christian alues. It's not that Christians avoid values and morals, but too much emphasis on one's values being Christian reminds me of some other who claim their ground was in Christ. One example:

WHO SAID THE FOLLOWING?
Today Christians … stand at the head of [this
country]… I pledge that I never will tie myself to parties who want to destroy
Christianity .. We want to fill our culture again with the Christian spirit … We
want to burn out all the recent immoral developments in literature, in the
theater, and in the press - in short, we want to burn out the *poison of
immorality* which has entered into our whole life and culture as a result of
*liberal excess* during the past … (few) years.
[The Speeches of Adolph Hitler, 1922-1939, Vol. 1 (London, Oxford University Press, 1942), pg.
871-872

Thanks to a commenter on Think Progress for pointing me to this link.

Good, quick explanations

I tend to be somewhat academic, but for a good explanation of a couple of greek words that have been used to claim homosexuality is a sin go to exgay watch.

Mistreatment

My parents must not have known what they were doing. I played in the Rio Grande and the irrigation ditches when I was growing up. But now I've been told that 75 degrees Farenheit is too cold, our heated pool should be at 80 degrees. Certainly that's where we try to keep the pool according to the recommendations from several of the pool foundations, etc., but I think the water in which I played was a little bit colder. The Rio Grande came through my grandparents farm in Colorado. At that point it was fed by snow melt. I don't believe it gets anywhere near 75 or 80 degrees. But I do remember a lot of fun. I do remember warming up as we ran back to the house. I do remember my parents letting us learn by falling down and getting cold and running around and getting hurt.

There's certainly a balance between not caring and being overprotective. I think complaining about five degrees difference in the pool temperature might be one of those overprotective things. If my parents had left us by ourselves at the Rio Grande they might have been on the side of not cautious enough. As it is I think my parents did a pretty good job of getting the right balance.

Of course, I'm a little prejudiced.

Free Speech

I always thought that free speech was about what the government could and couldn't do. My understanding was that my employer could regulate my speech. As a manager I tell my employees what they can and can't say. They have a specified greeting for the phone. They are told not to use swear words or derogatory language. Evidently training someone to work in a hair salon is a different matter or so says a teacher. She should be allowed to give her students pamphlets that say homosexuality is a sin according to her suit. Hmm. Would she have the same opinion if I approached her and said something differently as a teacher?

The sticking point is that employers and employees or teachers and students don't have the same rights and responsibilities as the government and the governed. The teacher is perfectly free to hand out her pamphlets in the public byways and thoroughfairs. But that situation changes when

But the classroom situation isn't a public area and employers can set limits. And one of those limits is setting an area free of sexual harassment. In fact, employers can be sued if they don't provide an area free of sexual harassment. Giving someone a pamphlet that says that they are a sinner because of their sexual orientation when you are their teacher is clearly sexual harassment. It's not in the same order as groping and touching and asking for a date, but it is simply not appropriate. The teacher is in a position of power over and using that to judge what is clearly not in her area of teaching. A gay hairdresser? Who knew? Wait, isn't that one of those stereotypes?

Historically accurate

One fo the gubernatorial candidates this year made a foolish statement that one man one woman was the historically accurate marriage pattern. It shows he doesn't know history and doesn't know the Bible. There's more than a couple of stories from the Old Testament about patriarchs having more than one wife or also having children with the servants. In fact one of the ancestors of Jesus was called righteous by her father-in-law after she dressed up as a prostitute and seduced him. I could go on with more examples but Dipatches from the Culture Wars does a better job.

Governance

Are things getting better or worse? The World Bank reports on governance values. A summary and a link to a download here.

Free press, free speech, due process

It seems to me that we in the USA are digging ourselves into a hole. For all our vaunted freedoms that make us better we aren't doing a very good job of sticking to them elsewhere. The New York Times, not usually considered a fringe journal, has another report of a journalist being jailed and held without trial while doing his job. What is happening to us when there is not any indication of an overwhelming swell of outrage. Freedom of the press, freedom of speech, due process are all things I thought we held up in opposition to terrorism. But we seem to be giving them up for immediate gain and a complete loss of those values for which we supposedly stand. If we can give these things up so cquickly they aren't what we really value. And I am saddened for all of the people in my family who have fought in war after war for this country and the consititution. Their sacrifices are in vain if we don't keep holding to free speech, free press and due process no matter the cost.

A little too far

I certainly understand statements that one politician or another will energize their opponents. Hilary Rodham Clinton is one such polarizing figure. But I think it's going a little too far to suggest that your opponents would rather vote for Lucifer than for Clinton. But that's what Falwell said. Doesn't sound like much of a Christian if you'd rather vote for the devil than a human.

proverbs

Prov

erbs 31:10-31
A capable wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The
heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks
wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of
the merchant, she brings her food from far away. She rises while it is
still night and provides food for her household and tasks for her
servant-girls. She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her
hands she plants a vineyard. She girds herself with strength, and makes
her arms strong. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her
lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and
her hands hold the spindle. She opens her hand to the poor, and reaches
out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid for her household when it
snows, for all her household are clothed in crimson. She makes herself
coverings; her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known
in the city gates, taking his seat among the elders of the land. She
makes linen garments and sells them; she supplies the merchant with
sashes. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the
time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of
kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household,
and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call
her happy; her husband too, and he praises her: "Many women have done
excellently, but you surpass them all." Charm is deceitful, and beauty
is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her a
share in the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the
city gates. (Proverbs 31:10-31, NRSV).

Whenever Ir ead this passage I think what fools there are that think a woman in scripture just sits and home and tends to the house. This woman conducts a workshop and business affairs. She's involved in the community. Sounds like a feminist to me.

Double Standard

There are many things that I have a problem with, one of them was expressed to me by a cousin when she found out I was gay. She said that my being gay wouldn't affect our relationship but she 'just couldn't understand us wanting special rights." I asked about those special rights but never really got an answer. What I would like is to be able to marry someone with whom I fall in love. I would like my spouse to have the right to determine my medical care and to stay with me. I would like for my spouse to inherit without question. Nothing really special except those same right that apply to heterosexual couples when they marry, even if they do so for less than a day.

And I'd like to not be forced into celibacy. In my reading of Christian literature when celibacy is praised it is also mentioned as a gift that not everyone has. Chastity is certainly expected of every Christian married or not. But life-long celibacy is not. There are a couple of religious traditions that do expect their members to be celibate, most notably Shakers, but the vast majority of Christian traditions just plain think celibacy is a gift that not everyone has. Ex-Gay watch has an article about the double-standard ,that places gay men and lesbians in a predicament, when celibacy is expected of some but not all.

Not even a slap!

Torture is torture and there are many problems with it ethically, morally and the ineffectiveness. Andrew Sullivan has an article (short) on Begin's attitude. Many in my generation will remember that Begin's reputation was none to clean, but... he had the right idea.

Christians

Christians are some of the best people coming into my motel and some of the worst. The best are polite and make sure that they are treating the service people correctly. But some of the worst are on 'mission trips' and seem to think that everything should be there. It doesn't matter that my web site and all the places I can put it have that some of our rooms aren't supposed to have a rollaway. They want the rollaway and at no extra charge since they are on a mission trip. To thank my housekeepers for good service they try to save their sould by presenting them with a tract instead of a tip - and they have no idea whether the housekeeper is active in a congregation or not nor do they realize that the pamphlet isn't in the primary language of the housekeeper (and I've seen spanish pamphlets given to english speakers and english pamphlets to spanish speakers). There are some who call themselves Christian who seem to believe that if they are on a mission trip the others they meet should bear the 'missionaries' cross as well as their own. "I've followed so someone else will pick up my cross for me" is the attitude I experience. Instead of following the example of bearing the roman soldiers burden an extra mile that is taught in scripture, they want someone to bear their burden a mile or more.

Yes, there are some great Christian examples of people doing mission and I welcome them. But it may be wise to ask what sort of Christian example am I setting. Some of the examples by people who call themselves Christian are less than pretty.

Calm and certain

John 12

[27] "Now my soul is troubled. And what should I say--'Father, save me
from this hour'? No, it is for this reason that I have come to this hour.

Every once in awhile I hear something about how Christians should be calm and untroubled becasue of the certainty of the resurrection or some such nonsense. I heard in the midst of depression, "how could you, as a minister, be depressed?" and more. But this passage indicates the peace that passes understanding and the peace that comes from knowing Jesus aren't the same thing as a sense of calm or a lack of depression. Jesus, in this passage, finds his sould troubled and asks the cup to pass from him. it is not a lack of concern that gives the Christian peace, but a willingness to go beyond the troubles and concerns to seek God's will. It is an acceptance of the consequences of one's actions and a willingness to follow the truth, our God, righteousness wherever they may lead. Not without regard, but to be as God wills us to be.

Torture and the truth

Molly Ivins is a better writer than am I. She has a recent editorial that truthout has placed with some other's on the same subject. In the Christian tradition there is a saying that the seed of the church is the blood of the martyers. Acts has a passage or two about one person being persecuted and because of that the believers spread the word to a number of different places. What's going to happen to the reputation of the U.S.A. when the blood of those tortured is the seed of many stories? I pray for my country.

Fair Trials

I always thought that it was an american tradition that we have fair and open trials. Wasn't that one of the thing about which we complained that brought on the American Revolution. I know it's not always been done - we haven't always lived up to our ideal of a fair and open trial, but to see the national government blocking information as it has done in Guantanomo is egregious. But some of the information is coming out. A federal judge has ordered the pentagon to identify detainee abuse cases. We shouldn't have had to have a trial to get this done, but better to start working on doing the right thing later than to never do it at all.

Not in my tradition

The Traditional Values Coalition supports Bush's redefining what can be done to those in custody? I'm sorry, Bush's proposals are not the values with which I was raised. Allowing the waterboarding and stress positions is something I thought we didn't do in the U.S.A. Please don't take this the wrong way, but if those are your traditional values, then those values need to change.

Ethics and corruption

For more than just a report on how senators and representatives are voting, the Citizens for responsibility and ethics in Washington have released their latest report on corruption. I didn't like reading it or the other links, but I suspect I should. And unlike Mary Poppins I have no spoonful of sugar to help this medicine go down.