I am whole

I am wounded. This year has been one of accepting that wound may never be healed. I am wounded because I am called to ministry. That call has been affirmed and reaffirmed by my denomination. I have answered that call. And now I am rejected and feel despised. Even when I may be able to take up that call to serve again, the wounds will not heal. Words like 'our congregation isn't ready' or 'we need someone who our married couples can relate to' are less wounding than silence once my sexual orientation is mentioned.

I am angry. The way I've used that anger has been both good and bad. For while I seek to use my anger for good I am not perfect. I have struck out at those trying to help. Yet my anger is justified. My gifts that were used by my denomination in congregation, presbytery, synod and general assembly remain. They remain unused and swallowed by misperceptions.

I am whole and I am yet wounded and I remain angry. I seek God's will for my life. So I am whole. I seek to minister where I am and with those I meet. And so I am wounded and angry and whole. And for the whole of my life I will remain one who seeks to answer the call of God.