Avoidance and denial

I'm quite good at avoiding that with which I don't want to deal and denying that about which I don't want to think. Not really a good trait. There are, of course, times in which it is a good thing to put off something for which you're not prepared, but like jumping in quickly - a trait I rarely have - it's best to do in moderation.

I do think that being in denial about my sexual orientation was life-serving, though not entirely healthy, during my high school years. In that time and place.... but staying in denial until I was in my mid-thirties was not as life-serving and unhealthy.

I do have to say that the avoidance and denial wasn't all on my part. I learned as a young child to start separating myself from my feelings when my parents followed the best advice of the day on how to prevent a pre-homosexual child from turning out to be a homosexual. And while I think allowing a child to be what they want to be is what is important rather than channeling them into some idea of what will make them heterosexual, I don't blame my parents as they did what they thought was best. I, too, have made mistakes.

The denial and avoidance do make patterns that are easily followed no matter how aware of those habits I am. That's why self-examination is an important part of a spiritual life. And the self-examination shouldn't be just for those superficial sins and problems that are easy to spot, but the reason some particularities are easier for me than another (or you than another).

Each of us has our own particular temptations. I know some of mine and seek to know more. Do you? Do we? A spiritual life is one that seeks to know God. The ability to know the one who is Truth comes from seeking the truth in all areas of our lives, especially our temptations and our weaknesses. It's not an easy task to look for the problem areas, but it is worthwhile and eventually fulfilling. I know some of my wekanesses. Do you know some of yours?